My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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