somebody snuck up and got me drunk
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
