I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
