i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
