All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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