I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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