i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How does one acquire holy water?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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