Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
organizing the empties. That sober.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
