we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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