you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
