I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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