guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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