Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
