can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
