I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My penis needs a shock collar
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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