i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
