2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You made out with two different species that night
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
