when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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