When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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