we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just threw up on my dentist
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
