Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
