...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
