tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
