I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
