...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
