the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
