i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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