Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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