apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
