Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
