Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
