Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Who died my cat blue again?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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