she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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