i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He? As in you personified your dick?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
