Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
