I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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