He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
