No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
