you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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