He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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