and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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