I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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