Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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