is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He better not be in your backpack
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
