Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
