Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
