I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
