She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
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I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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