i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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