I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
