she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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