They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
