I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think im going to throw up on grandma
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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