Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
