and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
