The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
