it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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