Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
