Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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