i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
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Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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