If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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