Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
