You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
