I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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