hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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