i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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