I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I bet he comes in French.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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