margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
